There are many jazz
fans who will remember certain words and phrases that were created
by jazz musicians, but there are also many new
and younger fans who may wonder what these words/phrases mean.
This section of Jazz Canadian is designed to bring back some of
those meanings as a reminder of the past. It will also add some
musical terms and inject a little humour into your visits with
us, and of course if you have any additional items you might want
to see on this page please feel free to let us knowY..email us
at: [email protected]
This term covers a huge variety of music, resulting from the combination
of elements of African styles with the Spanish, Portuguese and
even French cultures transplanted to South and Central America.
A now outdated
term for a musical instrument, used especially but not exclusively
for brass or horns which performers can carry in one hand. Presumably
dating from the era of "cutting contests", when you used your
axe to mow down the opposition.
style which came to fruition in New York in the early 1940's,
masterminded by by Dizzy Gillespie and Kenny Clarke and brought
to life by Charlie Parker. It's emergence was the result of much
open-ended jamming (at after-hours clubs such as Minton's and
Monroe's) and some theoretical discussion with likeminded souls
including Thelonious Monk, Tadd Dameron and Mary Lou Williams.
Inevitably, but somewhat
confusingly, "bebop" has also been associated with various styles
of dancing. There is no particular connection with any one kind
of jazz, or indeed of rock, for "bopping" used in this sense tends
to drift in and out of fashion, and indiscriminately describes
dancing to Miles Davis and Art Blakey or Little Richard recordings.
|Blue Notes =
defined as the flattened third and flattened seventh of the scale
in any particular key. (The flattened fifth is also heard as a
blue note when used as a melodic replacement or variation of the
normal fifth, but not when it is a harmonic colouring in dense
|Chase Chorus, see
||In jazz parlance,
"a chorus" means once through the entire tune, whether this is
12 bars, 32 bars or longer. This use of the term dates from the
days when every popular song was published with a verse (usually
a throw-away nature and usually omitted) followed by "the chorus".
||A technique used by some players of wind instruments, usually
reed players, but also occasionally brass players. It consists
of breathing in through the nose while the cheeks push air out
through the instrument, thus enabling the player to produce an
unbroken column of air. This means that a note can be held indefinitely,
because a player need not pause in order to breathe. The technique
has only a limited artistic use, because most music needs "breathing"
pauses in order to come fully alive.|
ability of certain jazz improvisors to sound more detached and
less "hot" than their collegues. It is possible, though less easily
achieved, for an entire ensemble to have this quality, as in the
Gil Evans arrangements for the Miles Davis 1948 band described
as "Birth of the Cool". West Coast Jazz of the 50's was often described
as being "Cool". The term is used today by many young people as
a way to describe something which they really like, but has nothing
to with jazz. |
referred to in connection with jazz, counterpoint means the interweaving
of different melodic lines. |
||To make a recording,
as in the pre-tape days when a disc was actually engraved at the
same time as the musicians played. Apart from the brief renaissance
of direct-cut recordings in the late 1970's, the terminology has
been outdated for over 40 years, yet it survives in the language:
ie: "we're cutting
some tracks/sides tomorrow"......a cutting contest - to demonstrate
superiority over other players of the same instrument at a jam
||A slow tempo.
Possibly the choice of expression is linked to the use of "down"
or "lowdown" to indicate depression or degradation. The down-beat
is the first beat of performance, or else the first beat of each
bar (sometimes referred to as "one"). |
of a group consists of all those players not in the rhythm section.
In a jam session situation, the front-line could run to ten or
of breaking up an improvised chorus into a mere four bars of solo
by one instrument followed by four bars from another and so on.
Until 1950 or so this was always called a "chase chorus". |
or a job. It may be a regular gig, a one of, a money gig, for
some musicians the thought of having to take a "day gig" means
they have to live a 9 to 5 life, no jazz.|
|Hard Bop =
coined in the late 1950's for the then current consolidation of
bop, after its more effete tendencies had been effectively separated
by the "cool" West Coast musicians and by East Coasters such as
the Modern Jazz Quartet.
The Hard Boppers were
considered to be musicians such as Art Blakey, Max Roach, Horace
Silver, Sonny Rollins, Lee Morgan and others from the East Coast.
formulated by Ornette Coleman and derived from his practice as
an improvising musician: each instrument in an ensemble is both
a melody and a rhythm instrument; players abandon their traditional
roles and instruments which normally accompany share as lead voices
in creating the music. No instruments play a supportive/accompanying
role and the resulting music comprises contrapuntal lines Harmonic
consonance and the resolution become irrelevant, the emphasis
being on creating interacting lines.|
|| A "head" is
short for "head arrangement", that is, an arrangement worked out
collectively (or dictated by one band member to the others) and
then memorized. |
of square; an earlier form of the same word, "hep", was the opposite
of what was then corny. Could be a rhythmic exclamation related
to scat singing. It came into use in the jazz vernacular of the
early 1940's and was considered a complimentary adjective.|
to "play hot" was a vital, but not indispensable, part of the
early jazzmen's equipment. An important factor consists of emphatic
rhythmic phrasing with the use of relatively obvious syncopation.
Although the expression
is usually confined to traditional (dixieland) styles, the description
applies equally to much rhythm-and-blues and modern-mainstream
playing. But the term has fallen from use, because in the last
25-30 years the tonal and dynamic range has become so wide: the
more frenetic avante-garde players have been extremely hot, whilst
much of the ECM and New Age cool has almost reached zero.
||A word which
has carried many different shades of meaning, the common factor
of which seems to be "something not entirely serious". Therefore
Ajive talk" originally covered both harmless tall-storytelling
and deliberate attempts to mislead, while "jiving" meant the use
of jive talk. A "jive" person, though, was at least untrustworthy,
or an egomaniac. The phrase, jive-ass m....f..., is still the ultimate
to be avoided. Point of interest: Noted tenor player Johnny Griffin
during his tenure with the Clarke-Boland Big Band wrote a composition
entitled "The JAMF's are Coming". |
|Jump Band =
group, especially of the late 1930's, which combined the verve
of jazz with the compulsive repetition associated with blues.
Bands such as the Harlem Hamfats, Stuff Smith's Onyx Club Boys
and the somewhat slicker Louis Jordan Tympany Five shared a similar
audience. This style eventually became known as Rhythm and Blues.
coined in the 1950's by critic Stanley Dance to describe the small-group
swing still being produced by greats such as Coleman Hawkins and
Ben Webster. These and other players were perceived as maintaining
the same virtues they had displayed in the 1930's and early 1940's,
before they were pushed aside in the enmity between the beboppers
and the revivalists. Another mainstream has been identified within
the last decade, sometimes called "mainstream-modern" or "modern-mainstream".
Nothing ever stays in the same place, but perhaps the lesson of
the mainstream concept, is that the more jazz changes, the more
it's the same thing.|
|Modal Jazz =
improvisation on a series of scales instead of a sequence of chords.
In practice there is an overlap between the two approaches, but
the term describes specifically the style established in the late
1950's and the early 1960's by Miles Davis's "Kind of Blue" and
the John Coltrane Quartet.
The word "modal" came
into jazz terminology thanks to composer/theoretician George Russell,
and derives from the seven 7-note scales (modes) used in Ancient
Greece and which, together with certain 5 and 6 note scales, are
the basis of all European music.
|Modern Jazz =
of describing bebop and post-bop in the 1950's. Chiefly used at
that time by writers and fans who found the term "bebop" somewhat
||The name of
a commercial company specializing in taped background music for
restaurants, supermarkets, elevators, aircraft, phone systems
of companies when you are put "on hold", etc....The general term
for sounds not intended to be listened to, even if jazz influenced.
Calling something muzak which was intended as jazz is, therefore
a deadly insult.|
||Is a musician's
term for the kind of bebop played from the late 1970's onwards,
following the revival of interest in the challenges bebop offers.
|New Age =
||Is the generic
term for the brand of easy-listening instrumental music identified,
initially, with the American record company , Windham Hill, there
are other labels involved today. As with other jazz derived muzak,
it might assist in opening ears of some listeners in the right
|New Orleans =
form of music will be for ever associated with the crystallization
of the first classic style of jazz in the early years of the 20th
century. The favourable conditions for this development have often
been linked to the French colonization of Louisiana, only formally
ended in 1820; as in the Catholic Caribbean and South America,
it condoned more racial intermixing with the slave population
and more musical tolerance (especially in the seaport of New Orleans)
than in the predominantly Protestant USA.|
is a composition written by the same person who performs it, as
opposed to a "standard" which is something that anyone and everyone
technique was a by-product of the introduction of sound films,
where music was only one of the elements along with dialogue,
sound effects, and the possibility of replacing an actor's speaking
or singing voice with one more desirable.
Only gradually did
the record industry take any interest, although Sidney Bechet's
recording of six instruments in turn to make a "one-man band"
disc in 1941 (April 19 1941 in the RCA Victor studio he performed
on soprano sax, tenor sax, clarinet, piano, bass and drums), this
session took some long time, as Bechet had to become proficient
on bass and drums, but the result was a recording of "The Sheik
of Araby". This was in the era before tape recording, so each
effort had to be recorded on a 78 r.p.m. wax original; if a mistake
occurred it meant a fresh start. There was a second attempt to
do this with Bechet on "Blues for Bechet" , but because studio
time ran out he was only able to complete four parts; piano, tenor,
clarinet and soprano. After guitarist Les Paul followed suit ("The
World is waiting for the Sunrise") and then invented the multi-track
tape machine, the industry never looked back.
one not having a permanent existence, but put together for a specific
appearance or recording.|
the sound of different tonal areas (in other words, key-signatures)
being used at once. This happens relatively rarely in arranged
jazz and, apart from a few passages of Charles Mingus , examples
worth remembering are even rarer. Bitonality, implying two simultaneous
keys, has been more common in improvisation when the soloist departs
temporarily from the tonal centre being used by the rest of the
band. Whether arranged or improvised, polytonality is only ever
used for brief moments and only makes an impact by contrast with
the predominantly tonal nature of jazz.|
|Progressive Jazz =
||A term first promulgated by Stan Kenton (to describe his own work)
and later applied by journalists and fans to such as Dave Brubeck,
The Modern Jazz Quartet and the 1950's "cool jazz" in general.
This usage is now outdated but, perhaps because progress is a
phenomenon of fashion and because jazz was next fashionable when
it became funky, "progressive jazz" resurfaced in the 1970's as
a term to describe jazz-funk-fusion.|
melody during an improvisation is an art whose value has frequently
been disputed. It can arise for a variety of reasons, often indicating
sheer high spirits (an early example: Louis Armstrong quoting
"Rhapsody in Blue" in his original record of "Ain't Misbehavin").
Or the musical logic of a solo can suggest surprising similarities,
as in some of Charlie Parker's more obscure quotations, ie: "The
Kerry Dance" and "On the Trail" on the Jazz at Massey Hall recording.
||An early version
of the word "bebop", derived from imitating drum patterns as in
the 1940 song "Wham, Rebop, Boom, Bam". It was already going out
of favour by the time Dizzy Gillespie recorded "Ol Man Rebop"
||The reed instruments
normally employed in jazz are the clarinet, tenor, alto, baritone,
soprano, bass, contrabass, sopranino saxophones and bass clarinet.
return, by a new generation of jazz musicians, to an earlier style
or form of jazz. The term is most generally applied to the re-adoption
of New Orleans jazz by young musicians. |
phrase of pronounced rhythmic character, often not strikingly
melodic. Usually two bars in length or four bars. Riffs can be
found in solo work also, some of Horace Silver's work provide
||A 1970's development
of Afro-Latin music particularly associated with Hispanic New
Yorkers. Because of its geographical origin, this style initially
had a tougher sound than some earlier Latin music and betrayed
the influence of bebop and modal jazz. But, as used by non-specialists,
the word has now become virtually a generic term for all Afro-Latin
||The art of
creating an instrumental-style improvisation vocally. This requires
a vocabulary of vowels and consonants related less to identifiable
words and more to the tone and articulation of jazz instrumentalists.
Listen to some of Dizzy Gillespie's works, and also Sarah Vaughan,
Louis Armstrong, Ella Fitzgerald, Mark Murphy, Babs Gonzales,
Jon Hendricks and Bobby McFerrin for typical examples of scatting.
of instruments that function together as a unit within a larger
group. Rhythm Section, Brass Section, Saxophone Section etc....|
||Are those who earn the greater part of their living working
in record, television and film studios. Each of the cities where
these activities take place supports a pool of such players, who
form a financial, and in some respects a musical elite. This is
a very demanding form of musical expertise, but can have it's
downside. The players' skills are often outweighed by the crucifying
boredom of much of the work they carry out.|
is anyone who is not the group leader on a particular gig. In
a big band, they may be section-men or soloists (who also play
in a section, of course), but they are all sidemen.
which is totally unaccompanied. One of the first examples in jazz
being Coleman Hawkins's "Picasso".
A solo in a particular
performance, or on a specific chord-sequence, is usually not accompanied.
It merely refers to the passage where one person is engaged in
prominent melodic improvisation, with some or all other members
of the group providing accompaniment.
||A quality first
identified by jazz musicians, and which crept into writing about
the music around the time (1956) that Milt Jackson appeared on
a Quincy Jones album under the pseudonym "Brother Soul".
the word was applied to black popular music, as it began increasingly
to reflect the influence of gospel. The term "soul" has now become
a vast category encompassing virtually anything by black artists,
whereas in jazz usage it is no longer a style but has reverted
to being a quality, as in "Art has soul", or "is soulful".
||One of the
many jazz musicians' words to have gone into general usage. Before
its application to virtually anyone lacking in awareness, "a square"
referred particularly to somebody unable to appreciate jazz.
applied to popular songs of the 20th century whose popularity
lasted beyond the period of their initial publication, despite
the attentions of jazz players. Sometimes, tunes have survived
solely because of jazz treatments, ie: "What a Little Moonlight
Can Do" or "Green Dolphin Street". |
of a lengthy series of breaks, so that the rhythm-section marks
only the start of every bar (or every other bar) for a chorus
or more, remaining silent between each of the stop-chords; the
soloist has to carry on regardless , however, and the effect is
of an unaccompanied solo with marker-posts.|
word was popularized as a noun (in Duke Ellington's "It don't
mean a thing if it ain't got that swing"), it was undoubtedly
a verb first of all: a performance swings, a performer or a group
or a tune swings, while even a less obvious tune can be swung.
Most definitions of
swing lay emphasis on the regularity of a pulse, despite the fact
that a metronome or a ticking clock convey no sensation of swing.
Swing is also the
name given to the style of big-band music formulated by Fletcher
Henderson and Don Redman and popularized by the Casa Loma Orchestra,
the Dorsey Brothers and Benny Goodman.
term describing a European concept, namely a simple and steady
pulse disrupted by an anticipated or delayed accent. |
the basic speed of a given piece, and can vary between different
jazz performances more widely than is possible in most other music.
"Out of Tempo" covers everything from a slight relaxation of a
previously fixed pulse, for instance just before the end of a
ballad performance, to completely free rhapsodizing as in a long
introduction, either way, it only has meaning if preceded or followed
by an in-tempo passage. |
melody and chord-sequence of a jazz performance. This may be borrowed
wholesale from a popular song, or it may be a new written melody
based on someone else's chords.
The theme or theme-song
of a particular group is the one used for identification at the
start and/or end of each performance.
|Third Stream =
the theoretical merging of two souls into one, those of jazz and
European composed music. The phrase was coined by composer/conductor/critic
Gunther Schuller who is a European trained writer. Other musicians
have fulfilled the conditions of third stream in their writing;
Anthony Braxton, Anthony Davis and James Newton immediately come
or metre of a piece, as in "5/4 time", "6/8 time", or common time,
of being in a particular key at a given time, which applies to
much the greater part of Western music including jazz. Music of
this kind is described as "tonal" music by contrast with "atonal"
||One of the
key resources in all eras and styles of jazz has been the variety
of instrumental tones employed. It has also been consistently
underrated by commentators and educators, perhaps because there
is no handy way of describing a performer's tone except with some
rather emotive adjectives, and they, of course, are frustratingly
transcription recording is one made specifically for a radio station
and then copied for another member station/stations of the same
network. The peak period for their use was the 1930's and 1940's
and the material from that period has more recently provided many
recordings that are now available publicly, especially since the
advent of the compact disc.
have also been made of artists solos/performances in written format
to be used primarily for study purposes by students of jazz.
of the rhythmic feel created by emphasizing the first and third
beats of a 4/4 metre. Originally this was the usual feel prescribed
for the European-style marches which went into the early New Orleans
repertoire, and it was the feel borrowed for the strongly European-influenced
compositions of early ragtime. |
||a fast tempo.
Related to the same image as the use of the word "uppers" in connection
The up-beat is the
second beat of a piece, and in jazz is often felt to be stronger
than the down-beat.
terminolgy, vocalese consists of singing lyrics to a previously
existing instrumental tune or recorded solo. This exercise places
great demands on the lyric-writer and even more so on the performer.
medium tempo, corresponding to a walking pace. The term is now
most usually associated with those bassists who, from Walter Page
onwards, specialized in playing one note on each beat of the bar,
sometimes using each different note for two adjacent beats.|
|West Coast =
Coast of the United States was an established jazz centre by the
late 1920's, and the first black band to make records, Kid Ory's,
did so in Los Angeles in 1922. But what is usually meant by "West
Coast Jazz" is a particular type of mutant modernism which became
popular in the early 1950's. It's most typical sounds were associated
with former sidemen of the Stan Kenton and Woody Herman bands
such as Shorty Rogers, Shelly Manne, Howard Rumsey, Bud Shank,
Art Pepper etc....
Other musicians who
became associated with the "West Coast" sound included Dave Brubeck,
Gerry Mulligan,Chet Baker, Lennie Niehaus, Russ Freeman, Hampton
Hawes and Curtis Counce.
|World Music =
phrase describes the philosophy that all the "folk" musics of
the world are connected at a fundamental level; and the more or
less concious attempts from the 1960's onwards to prove that jazz,
with its improvisatory directness, is best placed to bring out
these fundamental connections.
It was Don Cherry
who put the philosophy continually into practice. As well as being
one of the first American musicians to collaborate with the South
African pianist Abdullah Ibrahim, he was the first to play regularily
with totally non-jazz musicians from several continents. Many
other jazz musicians have been involved in this practice in the
1980's and 1990's.
Listening to jazz musicians performing an original
composition have you ever said to yourself "I
know that tune, or I think I know that as being a standard".
The idea of jazz compositions being based on
the chord progressions of standard tunes is not new, it was quite
prominent in the 40's,
Check through your record collection and see if some of these
ring bells for you.
||After you've Gone
|Little Willie Leaps
||All God's Children Got Rhythm
||All of Me
||Lee Konitz/Lennie Tristano
||All the Things you Are
|Trumpet No End
||Body and Soul
||Exactly Like you
|Keen and Peachy
||Fine and Dandy
|Salute to the Bandbox
||I'll remember April
||It could happen to You
||Love for Sale
|Lullaby of Birdland
||Love me or Leave Me
||Lover, Come back to Me
||Lullaby in Rhythm
|Old Man Rebop
||Old Man River
||Pennies from Heaven
||Stomping at the Savoy
|Relaxin' with Lee
||Stomping at the Savoy
||Stomping at the Savoy
||Sweet Georgia Brown
||There Will Never Be Another You
||Paul Desmond/Gerry Mulligan
||These Foolish Things
||Way You Look Tonight
|What is this thing called Love
||Wham Bam Thank You, Ma'am
||When I Grow Too Old To Dream
||You Can Depend on Me
||You're Driving Me Crazy
Ron Collier, a very well known arranger was rehearsing a big band assembled to play arrangements of the "Canadiana Suite" by Oscar Peterson.
At some point plunger mutes were required and all the trumpet players but one got them out.
Ron said: "Hey man, the part says plunger mute, where's your mute?"
The trumpet player replies: "I don't have one".
Ron: "I can't believe that! How can you not have a plunger?"
Player: "Well, I don't have one!"
Ron: "Listen, what the hell do you do at home when your toilet backs up?"
Player: "I use a harmon".
In an effort to keep you abreast of the ever-changing world of
musical terminology, we provide you with some terms with which you
Adagio Fromaggio: To play in a slow and cheesy manner.
AnDante: A musical composition that is infernally slow.
Angus Dei: To play with a divine, beefy tone.
Anti-phonal: Referring to the prohibition of cell phones in the
A Patella: Unaccompanied knee-slapping.
Appologgiatura: A composition, solo or instrument, you regret
Approximatura: A series of notes played by a performer, not
Approximento: A musical entrance that is somewhere in the vicinity
of the correct pitch.
Bar Line: What musicians form after a concert.
Concerto Grossissimo: A really bad performance.
Coral Symphony: (see Beethoven-Caribbean period).
Cornetti Trombosis Disastrous: The entanglement of brass
instruments that can occur when musicians exit hastily down the
Dill Piccolino: A wind instrument that plays only sour notes.
Fermantra: A note that is held over and over and over and ...
Fermoota: A rest of indefinite length and dubious value.
Fog Hornoso: A sound that is heard when the conductor's intentions
are not clear.
Frugalhorn: A sensible, inexpensive brass instrument.
Gaul Blatter: A French horn player.
Good Conductor: A person who can give an electrifying performance.
Or, alternative use, one who obeys the orchestra and/or chorus.
Gregorian Champ: Monk who can hold a note the longest.
Kvetchendo: Gradually getting annoyingly louder.
Mallade: A romantic song that's pretty awful.
Molto bolto: Head straight for the ending.
Opera buffa: Musical stage production by nudists.
Poochini Musical: performance, accompanied by a dog.
Pre-Classical Conservatism: School of thought which fostered the
idea, "if it ain't baroque, don't fix it."
Spritzicato: Plucking of a stringed instrument to produce a
bright, bubbly sound, usually accompanied by sparkling water with
Tempo Tantrumo: When a young band refuses to keep time with the
Tincanabulation: The annoying or irritating sounds made by
extremely cheap bells.
Vesuvioso: A gradual buildup to a fiery conclusion.
ZZZfortzando: Playing REALLY loud in order to wake up the
Musical Terms and Bars
Diminished Fifth||An empty bottle of Jack
Perfect Fifth||A full bottle of Jack
Ritard||There is one in every
Relative Major||An Uncle in the Armed
Relative Minor||A girlfriend in Vancouver|
Big Band||When the bar pays
enough for two banjo players|
Treble ||Women ain't nothing
Conductor||The man who punches your
ticket to Montreal|
Transpositions||Men who wear dresses|
Perfect Pitch||The smooth coating on a
freshly paved road|
Whole Note ||What's due after failing
to pay mortgage after a year|
Quarter Tone||What most standard
pick-up trucks can haul|
Sonata||What you get from a
bad cold or hay fever|
French Horn||Your wife says you smell
like a cheap one when you come in at four AM|
Bossa Nova||The car your foreman
First Inversion||Grandpa's battle group
Staccato||How you did all
your ceilings in your mobile home|
Bach Chorale||The place behind the
barn where you keep the horses|
Two jazz musicians, standing at an intersection, saw a car
crash into a light standard, throwing the driver clear. Sliding
toward the musicians, the driver skimmed 25 feet on his stomach
and ended, unconcious, at the curb. Said one musician to the other: "Safe".
The same two musicians were in the Toronto Zoo and saw a
lion, tossing its head with a mighty roar. "Come
on, man," said one.
seen enough. Let's split."
demanded the other, "and
miss the picture".
The above mentioned musicians were walking down a quiet
country town street when there was a huge crash. An enormous bell
had fallen from the belfry of a church and landed on the sidewalk.
One musician turned to the other, startled. "What
was that? The other, without looking back, replied: "F
A little girl was talking to a musician in a shopping mall
and he asked her did she go to school. "Not
now" she replied, "it's
summer, and I'm on vacation".
"What do you do with
yourself then". Asked
the musician. "Well
I spend a lot of time in the garden"
said the little girl. "Doing
what" asked the musician.
said the little girl. "Wow"
he replied, "I'm
A bass player who used to work with the late Cal Tjader
used to spend a lot of time assembling some outrageous names for
section men in bands. Here is one of his imaginary all-star bands:
Trumpets: Chester Gigolo. Felix Cited.
Darryl B.Morticome. Lucius N.Savuma
Trombones: Walter Walcarpitz. Abner
Selfabal. Jim Nasium.
Saxes: Amos B.Haven. Morey Ziduals.
Moe Zaic. Baron Wasteland. Sharon Sharalijk.
Piano: Thelonious Galantown.
Bass: Voorhees A. Jollygoodfellow.
Drums: Sonia Papermoon.
Guitar: Manuel Lehba.
Singer: Barbara Seville.
Band Leader: Amanda B. Reckonwith.
Q - What's the difference
between a bass and a cello?
A - A bass burns longer.
Q - What's the difference
between cutting Onions and cutting up a bagpipe?
A - You don't cry
when cutting up the bagpipe.
Q - How can a jazz musician wind up with a million dollars?
A - Start out with two million.
A lawyer walked into a jazz club and saw a sign that proclaimed
"All you can drink for
a dollar". Going to
the bar the lawyer said, "give
me two dollars worth".
When Buddy Rich was checking into a hospital, the admitting
nurse who filled out his admission form asked if he was allergic
to anything. "Country
and Western music",
The late Al Cohn was having a drink in a bar in Europe,
when someone recommended the local beer. "Have
you tried Elephant Beer? He was asked.
said Al, "I drink to
Trumpeter Clark Terry takes great delight in telling this
A guy walks into a pet store looking for a Christmas gift
for his wife. The storekeeper said he knew exactly what would
please her and took a little bird out of a cage. "This
is Chet," he said, "and
Chet can sing Christmas carols,"
Seeing the look of disbelief on the customer's
face, he proceeded to demonstrate.
"He needs warming
up", he said. Producing
a cigarette lighter the storekeeper raised Chet's
left wing and waved the flame lightly under it. Immediately, Chet
sang "Oh Come All Ye
fantastic!" said the
"And listen to
this", said the storekeeper,
warming Chet's other
wing. Chet sang, "O
Little Town of Bethlehem".
take him" said the man.
When he got home, he greeted his wife: "Honey,
I can't wait until Christmas
to show you what I got you, this is fantastic".
He unwrapped Chet's
cage and showed the bird to his wife. "Now,
watch this." He raised
Chet's left wing and
held him over a Christmas candle that was burning on the mantlepiece.
Chet immediately began to sing, "Silent
Night". The wife was
delighted. "And that's
not all, listen to this!"
As Chet's right wing
was warmed over the flame, he sang, "Joy
to the World".
"Let me try it"
cried the wife, seizing the bird. In her eagerness, she held Chet
a little too close to the flame. Chet began to sing passionately,
nuts roasting on an open fire".
A jazz fan walked into a London, England nightclub just
as the band began to play a blues that sounded familiar. He asked
a listener at the bar, "W.C.Handy?"
just outside to the left of the stairway".