Afro-Latin =	This term covers a huge variety of music, resulting from the combination of elements of African styles with the Spanish, Portuguese and even French cultures transplanted to South and Central America.
Axe =	A now outdated term for a musical instrument, used especially but not exclusively for brass or horns which performers can carry in one hand. Presumably dating from the era of "cutting contests", when you used your axe to mow down the opposition.
Bebop =	The classic style which came to fruition in New York in the early 1940's, masterminded by by Dizzy Gillespie and Kenny Clarke and brought to life by Charlie Parker. It's emergence was the result of much open-ended jamming (at after-hours clubs such as Minton's and Monroe's) and some theoretical discussion with likeminded souls including Thelonious Monk, Tadd Dameron and Mary Lou Williams. Inevitably, but somewhat confusingly, "bebop" has also been associated with various styles of dancing. There is no particular connection with any one kind of jazz, or indeed of rock, for "bopping" used in this sense tends to drift in and out of fashion, and indiscriminately describes dancing to Miles Davis and Art Blakey or Little Richard recordings.
Blue Notes =	Are usually defined as the flattened third and flattened seventh of the scale in any particular key. (The flattened fifth is also heard as a blue note when used as a melodic replacement or variation of the normal fifth, but not when it is a harmonic colouring in dense chordal textures).
Chase Chorus, see Fours.
Chorus =	In jazz parlance, "a chorus" means once through the entire tune, whether this is 12 bars, 32 bars or longer. This use of the term dates from the days when every popular song was published with a verse (usually a throw-away nature and usually omitted) followed by "the chorus".
Circular Breathing =	A technique used by some players of wind instruments, usually reed players, but also occasionally brass players. It consists of breathing in through the nose while the cheeks push air out through the instrument, thus enabling the player to produce an unbroken column of air. This means that a note can be held indefinitely, because a player need not pause in order to breathe. The technique has only a limited artistic use, because most music needs "breathing" pauses in order to come fully alive.
Cool =	describes the ability of certain jazz improvisors to sound more detached and less "hot" than their collegues. It is possible, though less easily achieved, for an entire ensemble to have this quality, as in the Gil Evans arrangements for the Miles Davis 1948 band described as "Birth of the Cool". West Coast Jazz of the 50's was often described as being "Cool". The term is used today by many young people as a way to describe something which they really like, but has nothing to with jazz.
Counterpoint =	Sometimes referred to in connection with jazz, counterpoint means the interweaving of different melodic lines.
Cut =	To make a recording, as in the pre-tape days when a disc was actually engraved at the same time as the musicians played. Apart from the brief renaissance of direct-cut recordings in the late 1970's, the terminology has been outdated for over 40 years, yet it survives in the language: ie: "we're cutting some tracks/sides tomorrow"......a cutting contest - to demonstrate superiority over other players of the same instrument at a jam session.
Down =	A slow tempo. Possibly the choice of expression is linked to the use of "down" or "lowdown" to indicate depression or degradation. The down-beat is the first beat of performance, or else the first beat of each bar (sometimes referred to as "one").
Front-Line =	The front-line of a group consists of all those players not in the rhythm section. In a jam session situation, the front-line could run to ten or more musicians.
Fours =	The practice of breaking up an improvised chorus into a mere four bars of solo by one instrument followed by four bars from another and so on. Until 1950 or so this was always called a "chase chorus".
Gig =	An engagement or a job. It may be a regular gig, a one of, a money gig, for some musicians the thought of having to take a "day gig" means they have to live a 9 to 5 life, no jazz.
Hard Bop =	A term coined in the late 1950's for the then current consolidation of bop, after its more effete tendencies had been effectively separated by the "cool" West Coast musicians and by East Coasters such as the Modern Jazz Quartet. The Hard Boppers were considered to be musicians such as Art Blakey, Max Roach, Horace Silver, Sonny Rollins, Lee Morgan and others from the East Coast.
Harmolodics =	A theory formulated by Ornette Coleman and derived from his practice as an improvising musician: each instrument in an ensemble is both a melody and a rhythm instrument; players abandon their traditional roles and instruments which normally accompany share as lead voices in creating the music. No instruments play a supportive/accompanying role and the resulting music comprises contrapuntal lines Harmonic consonance and the resolution become irrelevant, the emphasis being on creating interacting lines.
Head =	A "head" is short for "head arrangement", that is, an arrangement worked out collectively (or dictated by one band member to the others) and then memorized.
Hip =	The opposite of square; an earlier form of the same word, "hep", was the opposite of what was then corny. Could be a rhythmic exclamation related to scat singing. It came into use in the jazz vernacular of the early 1940's and was considered a complimentary adjective.
Hot =	The ability to "play hot" was a vital, but not indispensable, part of the early jazzmen's equipment. An important factor consists of emphatic rhythmic phrasing with the use of relatively obvious syncopation. Although the expression is usually confined to traditional (dixieland) styles, the description applies equally to much rhythm-and-blues and modern-mainstream playing. But the term has fallen from use, because in the last 25-30 years the tonal and dynamic range has become so wide: the more frenetic avante-garde players have been extremely hot, whilst much of the ECM and New Age cool has almost reached zero.
Jive =	A word which has carried many different shades of meaning, the common factor of which seems to be "something not entirely serious". Therefore Ajive talk" originally covered both harmless tall-storytelling and deliberate attempts to mislead, while "jiving" meant the use of jive talk. A "jive" person, though, was at least untrustworthy, or an egomaniac. The phrase, jive-ass m....f..., is still the ultimate to be avoided. Point of interest: Noted tenor player Johnny Griffin during his tenure with the Clarke-Boland Big Band wrote a composition entitled "The JAMF's are Coming".
Jump Band =	A small group, especially of the late 1930's, which combined the verve of jazz with the compulsive repetition associated with blues. Bands such as the Harlem Hamfats, Stuff Smith's Onyx Club Boys and the somewhat slicker Louis Jordan Tympany Five shared a similar audience. This style eventually became known as Rhythm and Blues.
Mainstream =	Term coined in the 1950's by critic Stanley Dance to describe the small-group swing still being produced by greats such as Coleman Hawkins and Ben Webster. These and other players were perceived as maintaining the same virtues they had displayed in the 1930's and early 1940's, before they were pushed aside in the enmity between the beboppers and the revivalists. Another mainstream has been identified within the last decade, sometimes called "mainstream-modern" or "modern-mainstream". Nothing ever stays in the same place, but perhaps the lesson of the mainstream concept, is that the more jazz changes, the more it's the same thing.
Modal Jazz =	implies improvisation on a series of scales instead of a sequence of chords. In practice there is an overlap between the two approaches, but the term describes specifically the style established in the late 1950's and the early 1960's by Miles Davis's "Kind of Blue" and the John Coltrane Quartet. The word "modal" came into jazz terminology thanks to composer/theoretician George Russell, and derives from the seven 7-note scales (modes) used in Ancient Greece and which, together with certain 5 and 6 note scales, are the basis of all European music.
Modern Jazz =	A means of describing bebop and post-bop in the 1950's. Chiefly used at that time by writers and fans who found the term "bebop" somewhat childish.
Muzak =	The name of a commercial company specializing in taped background music for restaurants, supermarkets, elevators, aircraft, phone systems of companies when you are put "on hold", etc....The general term for sounds not intended to be listened to, even if jazz influenced. Calling something muzak which was intended as jazz is, therefore a deadly insult.
Neo-bop =	Is a musician's term for the kind of bebop played from the late 1970's onwards, following the revival of interest in the challenges bebop offers.
New Age =	Is the generic term for the brand of easy-listening instrumental music identified, initially, with the American record company , Windham Hill, there are other labels involved today. As with other jazz derived muzak, it might assist in opening ears of some listeners in the right musical direction.
New Orleans =	This form of music will be for ever associated with the crystallization of the first classic style of jazz in the early years of the 20th century. The favourable conditions for this development have often been linked to the French colonization of Louisiana, only formally ended in 1820; as in the Catholic Caribbean and South America, it condoned more racial intermixing with the slave population and more musical tolerance (especially in the seaport of New Orleans) than in the predominantly Protestant USA.
Original =	An original is a composition written by the same person who performs it, as opposed to a "standard" which is something that anyone and everyone plays.
Overdubbing =	This technique was a by-product of the introduction of sound films, where music was only one of the elements along with dialogue, sound effects, and the possibility of replacing an actor's speaking or singing voice with one more desirable. Only gradually did the record industry take any interest, although Sidney Bechet's recording of six instruments in turn to make a "one-man band" disc in 1941 (April 19 1941 in the RCA Victor studio he performed on soprano sax, tenor sax, clarinet, piano, bass and drums), this session took some long time, as Bechet had to become proficient on bass and drums, but the result was a recording of "The Sheik of Araby". This was in the era before tape recording, so each effort had to be recorded on a 78 r.p.m. wax original; if a mistake occurred it meant a fresh start. There was a second attempt to do this with Bechet on "Blues for Bechet" , but because studio time ran out he was only able to complete four parts; piano, tenor, clarinet and soprano. After guitarist Les Paul followed suit ("The World is waiting for the Sunrise") and then invented the multi-track tape machine, the industry never looked back.
Pick-up group =	Means one not having a permanent existence, but put together for a specific appearance or recording.
Polytonality =	Is the sound of different tonal areas (in other words, key-signatures) being used at once. This happens relatively rarely in arranged jazz and, apart from a few passages of Charles Mingus , examples worth remembering are even rarer. Bitonality, implying two simultaneous keys, has been more common in improvisation when the soloist departs temporarily from the tonal centre being used by the rest of the band. Whether arranged or improvised, polytonality is only ever used for brief moments and only makes an impact by contrast with the predominantly tonal nature of jazz.
Progressive Jazz =	A term first promulgated by Stan Kenton (to describe his own work) and later applied by journalists and fans to such as Dave Brubeck, The Modern Jazz Quartet and the 1950's "cool jazz" in general. This usage is now outdated but, perhaps because progress is a phenomenon of fashion and because jazz was next fashionable when it became funky, "progressive jazz" resurfaced in the 1970's as a term to describe jazz-funk-fusion.
Quotation =	from another melody during an improvisation is an art whose value has frequently been disputed. It can arise for a variety of reasons, often indicating sheer high spirits (an early example: Louis Armstrong quoting "Rhapsody in Blue" in his original record of "Ain't Misbehavin"). Or the musical logic of a solo can suggest surprising similarities, as in some of Charlie Parker's more obscure quotations, ie: "The Kerry Dance" and "On the Trail" on the Jazz at Massey Hall recording.
Rebop =	An early version of the word "bebop", derived from imitating drum patterns as in the 1940 song "Wham, Rebop, Boom, Bam". It was already going out of favour by the time Dizzy Gillespie recorded "Ol Man Rebop" in 1946.
Reeds =	The reed instruments normally employed in jazz are the clarinet, tenor, alto, baritone, soprano, bass, contrabass, sopranino saxophones and bass clarinet.
Revivalism =	The conscious return, by a new generation of jazz musicians, to an earlier style or form of jazz. The term is most generally applied to the re-adoption of New Orleans jazz by young musicians.
Riff =	A repeated phrase of pronounced rhythmic character, often not strikingly melodic. Usually two bars in length or four bars. Riffs can be found in solo work also, some of Horace Silver's work provide prime examples.
Salsa =	A 1970's development of Afro-Latin music particularly associated with Hispanic New Yorkers. Because of its geographical origin, this style initially had a tougher sound than some earlier Latin music and betrayed the influence of bebop and modal jazz. But, as used by non-specialists, the word has now become virtually a generic term for all Afro-Latin styles.
Scat =	The art of creating an instrumental-style improvisation vocally. This requires a vocabulary of vowels and consonants related less to identifiable words and more to the tone and articulation of jazz instrumentalists. Listen to some of Dizzy Gillespie's works, and also Sarah Vaughan, Louis Armstrong, Ella Fitzgerald, Mark Murphy, Babs Gonzales, Jon Hendricks and Bobby McFerrin for typical examples of scatting.
Section =	A group of instruments that function together as a unit within a larger group. Rhythm Section, Brass Section, Saxophone Section etc....
Session Musicians =	Are those who earn the greater part of their living working in record, television and film studios. Each of the cities where these activities take place supports a pool of such players, who form a financial, and in some respects a musical elite. This is a very demanding form of musical expertise, but can have it's downside. The players' skills are often outweighed by the crucifying boredom of much of the work they carry out.
Sideman =	A sideman is anyone who is not the group leader on a particular gig. In a big band, they may be section-men or soloists (who also play in a section, of course), but they are all sidemen.
Solo =	Any performance which is totally unaccompanied. One of the first examples in jazz being Coleman Hawkins's "Picasso". A solo in a particular performance, or on a specific chord-sequence, is usually not accompanied. It merely refers to the passage where one person is engaged in prominent melodic improvisation, with some or all other members of the group providing accompaniment.
Soul =	A quality first identified by jazz musicians, and which crept into writing about the music around the time (1956) that Milt Jackson appeared on a Quincy Jones album under the pseudonym "Brother Soul". Almost simultaneously, the word was applied to black popular music, as it began increasingly to reflect the influence of gospel. The term "soul" has now become a vast category encompassing virtually anything by black artists, whereas in jazz usage it is no longer a style but has reverted to being a quality, as in "Art has soul", or "is soulful".
Square =	One of the many jazz musicians' words to have gone into general usage. Before its application to virtually anyone lacking in awareness, "a square" referred particularly to somebody unable to appreciate jazz.
Standard =	Originally applied to popular songs of the 20th century whose popularity lasted beyond the period of their initial publication, despite the attentions of jazz players. Sometimes, tunes have survived solely because of jazz treatments, ie: "What a Little Moonlight Can Do" or "Green Dolphin Street".
Stop-time =	Consists of a lengthy series of breaks, so that the rhythm-section marks only the start of every bar (or every other bar) for a chorus or more, remaining silent between each of the stop-chords; the soloist has to carry on regardless , however, and the effect is of an unaccompanied solo with marker-posts.
Swing =	Although the word was popularized as a noun (in Duke Ellington's "It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing"), it was undoubtedly a verb first of all: a performance swings, a performer or a group or a tune swings, while even a less obvious tune can be swung. Most definitions of swing lay emphasis on the regularity of a pulse, despite the fact that a metronome or a ticking clock convey no sensation of swing. Swing is also the name given to the style of big-band music formulated by Fletcher Henderson and Don Redman and popularized by the Casa Loma Orchestra, the Dorsey Brothers and Benny Goodman.
Syncopation =	A European term describing a European concept, namely a simple and steady pulse disrupted by an anticipated or delayed accent.
Tempo =	Is literally the basic speed of a given piece, and can vary between different jazz performances more widely than is possible in most other music. "Out of Tempo" covers everything from a slight relaxation of a previously fixed pulse, for instance just before the end of a ballad performance, to completely free rhapsodizing as in a long introduction, either way, it only has meaning if preceded or followed by an in-tempo passage.
Theme =	The initial melody and chord-sequence of a jazz performance. This may be borrowed wholesale from a popular song, or it may be a new written melody based on someone else's chords. The theme or theme-song of a particular group is the one used for identification at the start and/or end of each performance.
Third Stream =	Describes the theoretical merging of two souls into one, those of jazz and European composed music. The phrase was coined by composer/conductor/critic Gunther Schuller who is a European trained writer. Other musicians have fulfilled the conditions of third stream in their writing; Anthony Braxton, Anthony Davis and James Newton immediately come to mind.
Time =	The time-signature or metre of a piece, as in "5/4 time", "6/8 time", or common time, "4/4".
Tonality =	The fact of being in a particular key at a given time, which applies to much the greater part of Western music including jazz. Music of this kind is described as "tonal" music by contrast with "atonal" music.
Tone =	One of the key resources in all eras and styles of jazz has been the variety of instrumental tones employed. It has also been consistently underrated by commentators and educators, perhaps because there is no handy way of describing a performer's tone except with some rather emotive adjectives, and they, of course, are frustratingly vague.
Transcription =	A transcription recording is one made specifically for a radio station and then copied for another member station/stations of the same network. The peak period for their use was the 1930's and 1940's and the material from that period has more recently provided many recordings that are now available publicly, especially since the advent of the compact disc. Many transcriptions have also been made of artists solos/performances in written format to be used primarily for study purposes by students of jazz.
Two-beat =	a description of the rhythmic feel created by emphasizing the first and third beats of a 4/4 metre. Originally this was the usual feel prescribed for the European-style marches which went into the early New Orleans repertoire, and it was the feel borrowed for the strongly European-influenced compositions of early ragtime.
Up =	a fast tempo. Related to the same image as the use of the word "uppers" in connection with amphetamines. The up-beat is the second beat of a piece, and in jazz is often felt to be stronger than the down-beat.
Vocalese =	In jazz terminolgy, vocalese consists of singing lyrics to a previously existing instrumental tune or recorded solo. This exercise places great demands on the lyric-writer and even more so on the performer.
Walking =	an easy medium tempo, corresponding to a walking pace. The term is now most usually associated with those bassists who, from Walter Page onwards, specialized in playing one note on each beat of the bar, sometimes using each different note for two adjacent beats.
West Coast =	The West Coast of the United States was an established jazz centre by the late 1920's, and the first black band to make records, Kid Ory's, did so in Los Angeles in 1922. But what is usually meant by "West Coast Jazz" is a particular type of mutant modernism which became popular in the early 1950's. It's most typical sounds were associated with former sidemen of the Stan Kenton and Woody Herman bands such as Shorty Rogers, Shelly Manne, Howard Rumsey, Bud Shank, Art Pepper etc.... Other musicians who became associated with the "West Coast" sound included Dave Brubeck, Gerry Mulligan,Chet Baker, Lennie Niehaus, Russ Freeman, Hampton Hawes and Curtis Counce.
World Music =	The phrase describes the philosophy that all the "folk" musics of the world are connected at a fundamental level; and the more or less concious attempts from the 1960's onwards to prove that jazz, with its improvisatory directness, is best placed to bring out these fundamental connections. It was Don Cherry who put the philosophy continually into practice. As well as being one of the first American musicians to collaborate with the South African pianist Abdullah Ibrahim, he was the first to play regularily with totally non-jazz musicians from several continents. Many other jazz musicians have been involved in this practice in the 1980's and 1990's. TOP

Listening to jazz musicians performing an original composition have you ever said to yourself "I know that tune, or I think I know that as being a standard". The idea of jazz compositions being based on the chord progressions of standard tunes is not new, it was quite prominent in the 40's, 50's and 60's. Check through your record collection and see if some of these ring bells for you.

Tune	Artist	Standard
Straight Life	Art Pepper	After you've Gone
Little Willie Leaps	Charlie Parker	All God's Children Got Rhythm
Line Up	Lennie Tristano	All of Me
Ablution	Lee Konitz/Lennie Tristano	All the Things you Are
Trumpet No End	Duke Ellington	Blue Skies
Picasso	Coleman Hawkins	Body and Soul
Koko	Charlie Parker	Cherokee
Lester Swings	Lester Young	Exactly Like you
Keen and Peachy	Woody Herman	Fine and Dandy
Art's Oregano	Art Pepper	Get Happy
Salute to the Bandbox	Benny Golson	I'll remember April
Donna Lee	Charlie Parker	Indiana
Fried Bananas	Dexter Gordon	It could happen to You
Ezz-Thetic	George Russell	Love for Sale
Lullaby of Birdland	George Shearing	Love me or Leave Me
Quicksilver	Art Blakey	Lover, Come back to Me
Wail Bait	Clifford Brown	Lullaby in Rhythm
Old Man Rebop	Dizzy Gillespie	Old Man River
East Thirty-Second	Lennie Tristano	Pennies from Heaven
Euphoria	Charlie Ventura	S'Wonderful
Byas-A-Drink	Don Byas	Stomping at the Savoy
Relaxin' with Lee	Gillespie/Parker	Stomping at the Savoy
Stuffy	Coleman Hawkins	Stomping at the Savoy
Swinghouse	Stan Kenton	Sweet Georgia Brown
Split Kick	Horace Silver	There Will Never Be Another You
Wintersong	Paul Desmond/Gerry Mulligan	These Foolish Things
Claude Reigns	Charlie Barnet	Way You Look Tonight
What is this thing called Love	Charles Mingus	Wham Bam Thank You, Ma'am
Charlie's Wig	Charlie Parker	When I Grow Too Old To Dream
Wow	Lennie Tristano	You Can Depend on Me
Moten Swing	Count Basie	You're Driving Me Crazy

Ron Collier, a very well known arranger was rehearsing a big band assembled to play arrangements of the "Canadiana Suite" by Oscar Peterson. At some point plunger mutes were required and all the trumpet players but one got them out.

Ron said: "Hey man, the part says plunger mute, where's your mute?"

The trumpet player replies: "I don't have one".

Ron: "I can't believe that! How can you not have a plunger?"

Player: "Well, I don't have one!"

Ron: "Listen, what the hell do you do at home when your toilet backs up?"

Player: "I use a harmon".

Musical Terminology

In an effort to keep you abreast of the ever-changing world of musical terminology, we provide you with some terms with which you should be familiar:

Adagio Fromaggio: To play in a slow and cheesy manner.
AnDante: A musical composition that is infernally slow.
Angus Dei: To play with a divine, beefy tone.
Anti-phonal: Referring to the prohibition of cell phones in the concert hall.
A Patella: Unaccompanied knee-slapping.
Appologgiatura: A composition, solo or instrument, you regret playing.
Approximatura: A series of notes played by a performer, not intended by the composer.
Approximento: A musical entrance that is somewhere in the vicinity of the correct pitch.
Bar Line: What musicians form after a concert.
Concerto Grossissimo: A really bad performance.
Coral Symphony: (see Beethoven-Caribbean period).
Cornetti Trombosis Disastrous: The entanglement of brass instruments that can occur when musicians exit hastily down the stage stairs.
Dill Piccolino: A wind instrument that plays only sour notes.
Fermantra: A note that is held over and over and over and ...
Fermoota: A rest of indefinite length and dubious value.
Fog Hornoso: A sound that is heard when the conductor's intentions are not clear.
Frugalhorn: A sensible, inexpensive brass instrument.
Gaul Blatter: A French horn player.
Good Conductor: A person who can give an electrifying performance. Or, alternative use, one who obeys the orchestra and/or chorus.
Gregorian Champ: Monk who can hold a note the longest.
Kvetchendo: Gradually getting annoyingly louder.
Mallade: A romantic song that's pretty awful.
Molto bolto: Head straight for the ending.
Opera buffa: Musical stage production by nudists.
Poochini Musical: performance, accompanied by a dog.
Pre-Classical Conservatism: School of thought which fostered the idea, "if it ain't baroque, don't fix it."
Spritzicato: Plucking of a stringed instrument to produce a bright, bubbly sound, usually accompanied by sparkling water with lemon.
Tempo Tantrumo: When a young band refuses to keep time with the conductor.
Tincanabulation: The annoying or irritating sounds made by extremely cheap bells.
Vesuvioso: A gradual buildup to a fiery conclusion.
ZZZfortzando: Playing REALLY loud in order to wake up the audience.

Musical Terms and Bars

Diminished Fifth	An empty bottle of Jack Daniel's
Perfect Fifth	A full bottle of Jack Daniel's
Ritard	There is one in every family
Relative Major	An Uncle in the Armed Forces
Relative Minor	A girlfriend in Vancouver
Big Band	When the bar pays enough for two banjo players
Treble	Women ain't nothing but
Conductor	The man who punches your ticket to Montreal
Transpositions	Men who wear dresses
Cut Time	Parole
Perfect Pitch	The smooth coating on a freshly paved road
Whole Note	What's due after failing to pay mortgage after a year
Quarter Tone	What most standard pick-up trucks can haul
Sonata	What you get from a bad cold or hay fever
French Horn	Your wife says you smell like a cheap one when you come in at four AM
Bossa Nova	The car your foreman drives
First Inversion	Grandpa's battle group at Normandy
Staccato	How you did all your ceilings in your mobile home
Bach Chorale	The place behind the barn where you keep the horses

Two jazz musicians, standing at an intersection, saw a car crash into a light standard, throwing the driver clear. Sliding toward the musicians, the driver skimmed 25 feet on his stomach and ended, unconcious, at the curb. Said one musician to the other: "Safe".

The same two musicians were in the Toronto Zoo and saw a lion, tossing its head with a mighty roar. "Come on, man," said one. "I've seen enough. Let's split." "What?" demanded the other, "and miss the picture".

The above mentioned musicians were walking down a quiet country town street when there was a huge crash. An enormous bell had fallen from the belfry of a church and landed on the sidewalk. One musician turned to the other, startled. "What was that? The other, without looking back, replied: "F Sharp".

A little girl was talking to a musician in a shopping mall and he asked her did she go to school. "Not now" she replied, "it's summer, and I'm on vacation". "What do you do with yourself then". Asked the musician. "Well I spend a lot of time in the garden" said the little girl. "Doing what" asked the musician. "I dig" said the little girl. "Wow" he replied, "I'm Hip".

A bass player who used to work with the late Cal Tjader used to spend a lot of time assembling some outrageous names for section men in bands. Here is one of his imaginary all-star bands:

Trumpets: Chester Gigolo. Felix Cited. Darryl B.Morticome. Lucius N.Savuma

Trombones: Walter Walcarpitz. Abner Selfabal. Jim Nasium.

Saxes: Amos B.Haven. Morey Ziduals. Moe Zaic. Baron Wasteland. Sharon Sharalijk.

Piano: Thelonious Galantown.

Bass: Voorhees A. Jollygoodfellow.

Drums: Sonia Papermoon.

Guitar: Manuel Lehba.

Singer: Barbara Seville.

Band Leader: Amanda B. Reckonwith.

Q - What's the difference between a bass and a cello?

A - A bass burns longer.

Q - What's the difference between cutting Onions and cutting up a bagpipe?

A - You don't cry when cutting up the bagpipe.

Q - How can a jazz musician wind up with a million dollars?

A - Start out with two million.

A lawyer walked into a jazz club and saw a sign that proclaimed "All you can drink for a dollar". Going to the bar the lawyer said, "give me two dollars worth".

When Buddy Rich was checking into a hospital, the admitting nurse who filled out his admission form asked if he was allergic to anything. "Country and Western music", said Buddy.

The late Al Cohn was having a drink in a bar in Europe, when someone recommended the local beer. "Have you tried Elephant Beer? He was asked.

"No," said Al, "I drink to forget".

Trumpeter Clark Terry takes great delight in telling this story:

A guy walks into a pet store looking for a Christmas gift for his wife. The storekeeper said he knew exactly what would please her and took a little bird out of a cage. "This is Chet," he said, "and Chet can sing Christmas carols," Seeing the look of disbelief on the customer's face, he proceeded to demonstrate.

"He needs warming up", he said. Producing a cigarette lighter the storekeeper raised Chet's left wing and waved the flame lightly under it. Immediately, Chet sang "Oh Come All Ye Faithful". That's fantastic!" said the man.

"And listen to this", said the storekeeper, warming Chet's other wing. Chet sang, "O Little Town of Bethlehem".

"I'll take him" said the man.

When he got home, he greeted his wife: "Honey, I can't wait until Christmas to show you what I got you, this is fantastic". He unwrapped Chet's cage and showed the bird to his wife. "Now, watch this." He raised Chet's left wing and held him over a Christmas candle that was burning on the mantlepiece. Chet immediately began to sing, "Silent Night". The wife was delighted. "And that's not all, listen to this!" As Chet's right wing was warmed over the flame, he sang, "Joy to the World".

"Let me try it" cried the wife, seizing the bird. In her eagerness, she held Chet a little too close to the flame. Chet began to sing passionately, "Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire".

A jazz fan walked into a London, England nightclub just as the band began to play a blues that sounded familiar. He asked a listener at the bar, "W.C.Handy?"

"Sure, it's just outside to the left of the stairway".

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